Senior year has been overwhelming, hence my lack of blog posts for the past month. I am attempting to motivate myself to update readers more. This can be difficult when motivating myself in general requires a lot of emotional energy right now.
It’s hard to adequately describe how I am feeling. Some days are surprisingly calm and uneventful. And others I feel like my mind is spinning so fast that I can’t quiet it. One of the main things I have been struggling with is overcommitting myself. I am a passionate person, so I like to be involved in a lot of things outside of just academics. Sometimes, however, this can pose a bit of a challenge when it comes to juggling everything as the school year gets busier.
This year I am trying to manage two executive board positions: in my sorority and for the school’s literary magazine: AmLit. I also am a contributing writer for both The Rival and WVAU, meaning I have to produce columns on a relatively regular basis. I also have my own radio show for WVAU weekly and a babysitting job twice a week during the day on top of regular classes. To make things harder, I really struggle with saying no to hanging out with people even when I am already stressed and overwhelmed. Sometimes, it can just add up to being too much. Hence, the increasing frequency of my panic attacks lately.
The future is also constantly on my mind, being a soon to be graduating senior. I know I have time to find a job, but life seems to be moving so quickly lately that I worry it will be close to the end of the school-year before I know what hit me. Post-grad is a daunting unknown and I hate not knowing. I try to remind myself when I am spiraling that there is no “right” or “expected” path. Everyone’s post grad experience looks very different and there is not only one way to be successful. I just want to be successful by my own definition and be happy with my life after graduation. As long as I get to write and be paid for it, I can almost guarantee that I will be. Fingers crossed.
I am working on trying to prioritize myself more lately and make time for self care. Sometimes that may mean saying no to hanging out with friends when I just need some alone time to process my emotions and manage my anxiety. This year on the whole has brought a lot of positive things into my life and I am grateful for friends who are empathetic and understanding in moments when I am breaking down. My to-do lists are long and stress is high, especially during this part of the year (near midterms and Thanksgiving), but I am managing. Sometimes all you can do is take it one day at a time.